Human Being: Undressed

​Undressed: 

I lay here naked and afraid. A stressful day of endless nothing, to achieve goals that don’t matter. To meet with people about future meetings of people. Emailing and texting people. Too busy doing their own thing people. I don’t have time or capacity to care about you people. Fuck that’s sad. It took me a long time to really understand this voice. This critical monster that lives in my head. The one that tells me I’m not good enough. A beast of molten self loathing and depression. No one knows where it came from. If we had a healthcare system that gave a damn about people and not just pushing pharmasiticals it may suffer a chance. But for now all we have is the spinning dumpster fire of existence. Where I show up each day as I have to, smiles, energy, good ideas, educated, and presentable. As a middle aged white guy in the US I should be set for success. Nothing could be further from reality. 

Do you remember your first memory? 

Have you looked back now, down the road and suddenly forget what brought you to this point? With each passing year my slow brain shreds the insignificant details of my past. Regardless of intelligence, each human expierneces this gift of thought loss. There is much to explore when it comes to the brain. Still so much unknown. Medically brain death is kind of the end, otherwise we are just functional plumbing. So what is going on up here? How is it that we can experience so much? Quickly we mirror, adapt, foster unique design, grow, build, befriend, grow, love, grieve, orgasm, fight, cry, mourn; there is so little time to truly understand. Add to this tilted injustice the violence of nature via nurture that traumatizes an animal. What a joke we are. People would riot for a cat or puppy being tortured by neglect, yet we continue to produce human animals into this clusterfucked beehive. The education and healthcare systems is ill designed, underfunded, and overwhelmed by the whiniest seasonal flowers. The brilliant allergy infested plague of mankind. I digress. The brain is so much and we barely understand its function. Sure we mapped behaviors and explore celebrity guesses to causation through scientifically proven causation. Then shit decays out to the world, misquoted, misinformed, over marketed, and mass produced. 

Within hours the global consumer market can flood with competitors - clones - and illegal knockoffs. You go cross eyed trying to keep up. Next thing you know you’re my age and having to ask google how to do things on the computer. I can’t keep up. Our brains are smarter than we are - the body, like with food knows how to process what it needs as it communicates with the body. And boy will that beast tell you when someone fucks up. We fall apart. The brain works this out. 

However these traumas and all the sticky stuff, they aren’t just ‘Breakfast Tuesday morning in June of 1987’…No, this stuff is special - it's nuclear. It glows hot and moves slow like lava. Growing up though you fail to recognize all the volcanic erruptions that you experienced. The joke in our normality act is that ‘ No one escapes it’.  Convince me otherwise…I’m sure someone will try. I think the first person to show up declaring no trauma or poor experience had ever manifested in their life, is the first person we need to have committed for being insane. You fall. Maybe you are dropped. Maybe you touched a hot stove. It hurt. The is the first log in a dumpster fire.